Beverly Engel

The Emotionally Abusive Relationship (eBook, PDF)

How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing

• Format: PDF

Produktbeschreibung

"Engel doesn't just describe-she shows us the way out." -Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail Praise for the emotionally abusive relationship "In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotional abuse." -Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse "This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them." -Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and owner of BPDCentral.com The number of people who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves is phenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world's leading experts on the subject, shows us what it is and what to do about it. Whether you suspect you are being emotionally abused, fear that you might be emotionally abusing your partner, or think that both you and your partner are emotionally abusing each other, this book is for you. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship will tell you how to identify emotional abuse and how to find the roots of your behavior. Combining dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal, Engel provides prescriptive strategies that will allow you and your partner to work together to stop bringing out the worst in each other and stop the abuse. By teaching those who are being emotionally abused how to help themselves and those who are being emotionally abusive how to stop abusing, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expert guidance and support you need.

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Produktdetails

• Verlag: John Wiley & Sons
• Seitenzahl: 272
• Erscheinungstermin: 20. November 2002
• Englisch
• ISBN-13: 9780471374473
• Artikelnr.: 38185826

Autorenporträt

BEVERLY ENGEL is an internationally recognized therapist with an expertise in abuse, women's issues, relationships, and sexuality. She is the author of several nonfiction books, including Loving Him without Losing You, Honor Your Anger, The Power of Apology, and The Emotionally Abused Woman. Engel has appeared on many national television shows, including Oprah, Donahue, Ricki Lake, Sally Jessy Raphael, and others.

Inhaltsangabe

Acknowledgments xi

About the Author xiii

Introduction to Second Edition xv

Part One Identifying and Understanding Emotional Abuse

Chapter 1 Emotional Abuse-- The Destroyer of Relationships 3

What Is Emotional Abuse? 6

How Emotional Abuse Does Damage 7

Determining Whether You Are Being Emotionally Abusive 10

No Monsters Here 12

Ending Emotional Abuse 15

Chapter 2 Patterns of Abuse 17

Domination 19

Verbal Assaults 20

Constant Criticism/Continual Blaming 21

Abusive Expectations 22

Emotional Blackmail 22

Unpredictable Responses 24

Constant Chaos/Creating Crisis 25

Character Assassination 25

Gaslighting 26

Sexual Harassment 27

Clear and Consistent Patterns 28

Overt and Covert Abuse 28

Intentional and Unintentional Abuse 29

Chapter 3 Not All Emotionally Abusive Relationships Are Alike 33

The Seven Types of Emotionally Abusive Relationships 35

Part Two Healing Your Childhood and Your Unhealthy Patterns

Chapter 4 Patterns That Begin in Childhood: Why We Abuse and Why We Take It 47

The Repetition Compulsion 50

The Core of the Compulsion-- An Abusive Childhood 53

Abusive Styles of Parenting 55

The Power of Unfinished Business 58

Your Original Abuser 59

Another Pattern: Victim or Abuser? 60

Anger In, Anger Out--Male and Female Patterns 61

How Shame Affects Victims of Abuse 62

Chapter 5 Complete Your Unfinished Business (For Both Victims and Abusers) 65

1. Admit the Fact That You Were the Victim of Abuse or Neglect 67

2. Acknowledge to Yourself That You Have Unexpressed Feelings of Anger, Pain, Fear, and Shame Because of Your Childhood Experiences of Neglect, Abandonment, or Abuse 73

3. Allow Yourself to Feel and Express Your Emotions Connected to the Neglect or Abuse You Experienced 75

4. Find Safe, Constructive Ways of Releasing or Expressing These Feelings 77

5. Confront Your Abuser(s) (Indirectly Preferred) 79

6. Resolve Your Relationship With Your Original Abuser(s) (Set Boundaries, Temporary or Permanent Separation, Forgive) 80

Chapter 6 Healing Your Shame with Self- Compassion 81

The Cure for Shame: Self-Compassion 86

Repeating the Cycle of Abuse 92

Part Three Stopping the Abuse

Chapter 7 Action Steps for Those Being Abused 99

The Program 103

Specific Advice and Strategies 121

Chapter 8 Action Steps for the Abusive Partner 123

The Program 126

Chapter 9 Action Steps for the Abusive Couple 147

Stop Blaming Each Other 150

The Program 152

Chapter 10 When Your Partner Has a Personality Disorder 161

Determining Whether Your Partner Suffers from BPD 164

Twin Fears-- Abandonment and Engulfment 166

Strategies to Help You Cope and to Stop the Emotional Abuse 168

Determining Whether Your Partner Suffers from NPD 171

Strategies to Help You Cope and Stop the Emotional Abuse 174

Should You Tell Your Partner that You Suspect They Have a Personality Disorder? 177

When You Both Suffer from a Personality Disorder 178

Chapter 11 When Your Abusiveness Stems from Your Personality Disorder 179

Do You Suffer from BPD? 182

How BPD Can Lead to Emotionally Abusive Behavior 183

How You Can Begin to Change Your Emotionally Abusive Behavior 186

Strategies for Specific Borderline Behaviors 191

Rezensionen

"Engel's seminal book on abusive relationships is both practical and empathetic. I particularly like that she helps victims explore their childhood to understand their triggers and why they're in an abusive relationship. It's easy to read and explains how to confront abuse, move on, and recover."
--Darlene Lancer, LMFT, author of Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist

"Beverly Engel provides fresh insights in the new, second edition of The Emotionally Abusive Relationship. The book compassionately considers both parties entwined in their reciprocal double helix of pain. In illuminating the significance of shame in both the abuser and the abused, Engel reveals pathways for clearer recognition and, ultimately, healing for those caught in the web of emotional abuse."

--Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D., author of Sometimes I Act Crazy and I Hate You--Don't Leave Me

"Beverly Engel's humility, clinical sensitivity, grace, and her expertise in her written works are just the tools that everyone needs to help with healing from emotional abuse. Beverly graciously writes about emotional abuse in a way that's relatable, resonates, and is easy to understand for anyone going through it. Her work exudes compassion, and she is able to describe abuse dynamics without disparaging anyone. She genuinely and unselfishly is motivated to help everyone heal and holds our hands to walk us through the recovery journey. I applaud her kindness and generosity."

--Dr. Natalie Jones, PsyD, LPCC (r)