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It hurt to write this story, but it didn't feel like a choice. It poured out of me. I wasn't willing to keep hiding my scabs and bruises anymore. Through my writing I gave myself permission to be broken and whole. Weak and strong. Lonely and loved. Hopeless and inspired. And I hope it gives you permission too. Bipolar has torn my life apart but also given me the space to come undone and strip away what doesn't fit anymore.
This book focuses on depression, anxiety, hypomania, and mixed episodes but is really about how I fight through the days I want to die and celebrate the days I want to live. It delves into the symptoms that destroyed my dream. All I want to do is be a counselor. I want to create a safe space for people to fall apart and rewrite the destructive stories they built their life around. But I'm too ill to even complete my BA in Psychology. It became clear that my bipolar is stronger than my drive to reach my dream. And I'm really driven. And stubborn.
However, bipolar gives me the courage to publish this book. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is scarier than not being able to trust my own mind. I know what it feels like to hate yourself when you stay in bed because life is too overwhelming. I know the heaviness that you carry because no matter how hard you try this illness will always find a way back in. And I know how it feels to be a guinea pig with endless medication medleys and side effects. This book allows me to give a voice to those struggling with mental illness that are too ashamed or can't name their own pain. I'm proud of this book. Not because it's a stellar literary achievement, but because the worst part of being ill is feeling like you're alone.
I don't have a fancy career or impressive credentials. There needs to be a voice for those whose greatest feat is finding the strength to keep going when all you want to do is give up. That's damn impressive. This is for those who can only work two days a week and those who feel alienated because of the stigma of mental illness. There are so many books written by really successful people with bipolar. And while it's impressive, it just makes me feel like more of a loser. I just turned 40 and am so excited. I legitimately didn't think I'd be able to fight this long. Staying alive is by far the most impressive thing I've done. That is my credential. A BA in creating a life worth living with mental illness.
If you're looking for answers on how to fix bipolar in five easy steps, this book isn't for you. If you want someone to skip over the hard and messy and uncomfortable, I'm not your girl. But if you want to feel less lonely, broken and ashamed, I hope you find some solace here. I don't promise it'll get easier, but it's worth it. And we're strong as f*ck.
This book focuses on depression, anxiety, hypomania, and mixed episodes but is really about how I fight through the days I want to die and celebrate the days I want to live. It delves into the symptoms that destroyed my dream. All I want to do is be a counselor. I want to create a safe space for people to fall apart and rewrite the destructive stories they built their life around. But I'm too ill to even complete my BA in Psychology. It became clear that my bipolar is stronger than my drive to reach my dream. And I'm really driven. And stubborn.
However, bipolar gives me the courage to publish this book. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is scarier than not being able to trust my own mind. I know what it feels like to hate yourself when you stay in bed because life is too overwhelming. I know the heaviness that you carry because no matter how hard you try this illness will always find a way back in. And I know how it feels to be a guinea pig with endless medication medleys and side effects. This book allows me to give a voice to those struggling with mental illness that are too ashamed or can't name their own pain. I'm proud of this book. Not because it's a stellar literary achievement, but because the worst part of being ill is feeling like you're alone.
I don't have a fancy career or impressive credentials. There needs to be a voice for those whose greatest feat is finding the strength to keep going when all you want to do is give up. That's damn impressive. This is for those who can only work two days a week and those who feel alienated because of the stigma of mental illness. There are so many books written by really successful people with bipolar. And while it's impressive, it just makes me feel like more of a loser. I just turned 40 and am so excited. I legitimately didn't think I'd be able to fight this long. Staying alive is by far the most impressive thing I've done. That is my credential. A BA in creating a life worth living with mental illness.
If you're looking for answers on how to fix bipolar in five easy steps, this book isn't for you. If you want someone to skip over the hard and messy and uncomfortable, I'm not your girl. But if you want to feel less lonely, broken and ashamed, I hope you find some solace here. I don't promise it'll get easier, but it's worth it. And we're strong as f*ck.
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