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There's only so much abuse a young genius can take before he starts writing about the world around him. That genius is Phil Wells. In this collection of essays, plays, and poems, we see the product of an imagination warped by cartoons, fuelled by caffeine, and destroyed by mindless labor. What's Paris Hilton's worst nightmare? How can you prevent an infestation of Catholic monks in your home? What's so great about North Bergen, NJ? The answers are in this book.