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The collection of life experiences enclosed herein are true incidents that I witnessed or actively participated in. In many of them, I narrowly evaded some dire consequences of military justice via avenues of quick thinking, slick talking, or just plain dumb luck! I discovered a couple of best kept secrets that helped me skate through these adventures. Those secrets being, know what is in the Bureau of Personnel manual; have a good understanding of the grievance procedures (under the right circumstances, an enlisted dude can put the Commanding Officer on report; but you had better do your homework!); and lastly, tie in with a mentor who will show you the "ropes" about the Navy! Now this is in no way a sailor's guide to misbehaving. It is simply a comical look at one sailor that may well have proven himself to be a "magnificent bastard" as he advanced from Seaman Recruit to Senior Chief!