Vegas Nerves (Double Double Trouble) (eBook, ePUB)

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From New York City to Las Vegas, from alcoholism and drug addiction to compulsive gambling and bi-polar mania, the Rocky Bottoms Series will reveal one man's struggle with multiple addictions and mental illness. "Vegas Nerves" is the first book in the series and will focus primarily on compulsive gambling with emphasis on video poker addiction. Recollections of actual events will be told. Included are personal memories of trials and tribulations. The "Rocky Bottoms" series covers the seemingly never ending and ever widening bottoms experienced by an average Irish Catholic kid from the Bronx and how he struggled for decades with some of life's most common (and not so common) illnesses while simultaneously leading a double life of moderate success - to outward appearance. As a bright, young, athletic, good looking kid, Rocky pushed and pushed himself past the demoralization of addiction, to the ranks of being tops in the field of corporate IT consulting. Despite a full expectation of realizing the American dreams, they remained forever out of reach. The only dream manifested turned out to be the consequences of the high, the escape, and the action. This dream came true, and the carnage left behind was at the least a broken family, destroyed relationships, unemployment, homelessness, heart failure, a credit nightmare and little hope. In the second series, "Rocky's Road To Recovery", over and over again Rocky tries the common solutions, self-help programs, rehabs, doctors, interventions, institutions, churches, geographic escapes, career changes, relationship changes, ad infinitum. It was hopeless from the beginning, remained hopeless for almost 40 years...until one day, when he came to believe. In the final series, "Rock Solid Recovery", Rocky details the subtle transformation and growth, from struggles of temporary spiritual development in the dual world of materialism and religious traditions to the lasting awakening of non-dual awareness. Today Rocky Bottoms is a happy co-occurring survivor, recovering and living in San Diego. The goal of the Rocky Bottoms series is to raise awareness and help those suffering from co-occurring (dual diagnosis) disorders by carrying a message of hope from a place of love and enthusiasm. Not all things can be googled but good luck trying!

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My story is simple. Born and raised in the Big Apple, I started drinking at 10, drugging at 13 and gambling at 15. Partially trained by the mob and partially educated by Woodstock leftovers, I embraced the dichotomy. I also found myself bouncing up and down like a yo-yo as a late teen in what would years later be diagnosed as bi-polar disorder. My addictions and mental illness were allowed to run rampant and left untreated until the desperate stages. My career chase for the almighty dollar was always successful as well as provided the required juice to support the covert lifestyle of chasing bets and booze. I had a subtle yet persistent case of suicidal ideation running in the background of my recurring manic depressive episodes. A suicide attempt, too many to count institutionalizations, geographically scattered arrests and lengthy periods of homelessness were expected casualties to be tolerated and accepted as the price of admission to a life of self-inflicted pain.

Loss of family, jobs and possessions were met with a sense of relief and good riddance along with almost no apparent emotional consequence. Being aloof was even too much. A six way heart bypass operation was just a temporary respite in between bets and drinks in the Mecca of addictive behavior, Las Vegas, where I lived for decades. Diabetes was a nuisance equivalent to swatting a gnat and treated with more cigarettes.

My story of how I overcame being King of co-occurring disorders is not simple but it happened. There is hope. I no longer ponder the cause of my problems and no longer question whether the chicken or the egg arrived first. Did my mental illness cause my drinking and gambling? I treated each problem separately and methodically and yet together as well. I was aided by a plethora of giving souls including but not limited to military doctors and counselors, VA doctors and programs, private and public psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers and spiritual advisors from every possible background. There were multiple and repetitive phases of 12 step development and an evolvement of spiritual understanding that forced me to redefine God.

I peeled the onion and chipped away at the mountain of despair one day at a time. My dual diagnosis was the key to figuring out my own struggle with all aspects of duality. My solution was spiritual and ultimately I came to a non-dual understanding of my true nature. Once I overcame the spiritual malady I straigh...