SURVIVING MONDAY: A Guide to Caffeine, Optimism, and Not Calling in Sick (eBook, ePUB)
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Is your Monday morning alarm the most traumatic sound in your weekly existence? Do you calculate exactly how many hours of sleep you'll get if you fall asleep "right now" every Sunday night? Have you ever considered faking your own death to avoid a Monday morning meeting?You're not alone. Monday, humanity's most universally dreaded day, affects millions of workers worldwide with symptoms ranging from mild existential dread to acute caffeine dependency."Surviving Monday" is the hilariously practical guide you never knew you desperately needed. Unlike traditional self-help books that promise to ...
Is your Monday morning alarm the most traumatic sound in your weekly existence? Do you calculate exactly how many hours of sleep you'll get if you fall asleep "right now" every Sunday night? Have you ever considered faking your own death to avoid a Monday morning meeting?
You're not alone. Monday, humanity's most universally dreaded day, affects millions of workers worldwide with symptoms ranging from mild existential dread to acute caffeine dependency.
"Surviving Monday" is the hilariously practical guide you never knew you desperately needed. Unlike traditional self-help books that promise to transform your Mondays into a day you'll actually enjoy (let's be realistic here), this guide acknowledges a fundamental truth: Mondays are terrible, but with the right strategies, they're survivable.
Inside this essential manual to weekly workplace trauma, you'll discover:
• The Science of Monday Dread: Why your brain feels like it's operating at 36% capacity (because it is)
• Caffeine Mathematics: Calculating your optimal intake down to the milligram
• The Art of Looking Busy While Your Brain Boots Up: Strategic keyboard clacking and thoughtful nodding techniques
• Emergency Excuses: A believability matrix for when "my dog ate my motivation" won't cut it
• Meeting Survival Tactics: Including Meeting Bingo to make unbearable gatherings slightly less soul-crushing
• The Bathroom Time Portal: Why workplace bathrooms exist in their own time-space continuum and how to leverage this cosmic loophole
• Strategic Joy Finding: Celebrating micro-victories like "successfully used stapler without questioning career choices"
• The Monday Survivor's Mindset: Mantras, visualization techniques, and the reminder that it's just 24 hours... right?
Written by a Monday survivor with decades of in-the-trenches experience, this book combines workplace wisdom, psychological insights, and enough caffeine-fuelled humour to get you through the day that feels approximately 73 hours long.
Perfect for:
Remember: Monday is not just a day, it's a test of human resilience. And with this book as your guide, you'll develop the strategies to transform yourself from Monday victim to Monday survivor.
Warning: This book cannot eliminate Mondays from existence, though we continue to research this possibility. Side effects may include inappropriate workplace laughter, increased coffee consumption, and the realization that you're not alone in your Monday misery.
You're not alone. Monday, humanity's most universally dreaded day, affects millions of workers worldwide with symptoms ranging from mild existential dread to acute caffeine dependency.
"Surviving Monday" is the hilariously practical guide you never knew you desperately needed. Unlike traditional self-help books that promise to transform your Mondays into a day you'll actually enjoy (let's be realistic here), this guide acknowledges a fundamental truth: Mondays are terrible, but with the right strategies, they're survivable.
Inside this essential manual to weekly workplace trauma, you'll discover:
• The Science of Monday Dread: Why your brain feels like it's operating at 36% capacity (because it is)
• Caffeine Mathematics: Calculating your optimal intake down to the milligram
• The Art of Looking Busy While Your Brain Boots Up: Strategic keyboard clacking and thoughtful nodding techniques
• Emergency Excuses: A believability matrix for when "my dog ate my motivation" won't cut it
• Meeting Survival Tactics: Including Meeting Bingo to make unbearable gatherings slightly less soul-crushing
• The Bathroom Time Portal: Why workplace bathrooms exist in their own time-space continuum and how to leverage this cosmic loophole
• Strategic Joy Finding: Celebrating micro-victories like "successfully used stapler without questioning career choices"
• The Monday Survivor's Mindset: Mantras, visualization techniques, and the reminder that it's just 24 hours... right?
Written by a Monday survivor with decades of in-the-trenches experience, this book combines workplace wisdom, psychological insights, and enough caffeine-fuelled humour to get you through the day that feels approximately 73 hours long.
Perfect for:
- Chronic Monday sufferers seeking solidarity
- Office workers with coffee dependency issues
- Anyone who has ever checked the time three times in what felt like an hour only to discover it moved just four minutes
- Sunday night dread enthusiasts
- People who believe Tuesday deserves more appreciation
Remember: Monday is not just a day, it's a test of human resilience. And with this book as your guide, you'll develop the strategies to transform yourself from Monday victim to Monday survivor.
Warning: This book cannot eliminate Mondays from existence, though we continue to research this possibility. Side effects may include inappropriate workplace laughter, increased coffee consumption, and the realization that you're not alone in your Monday misery.
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