Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go (eBook, ePUB)

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ForeWord Reviews Book of the Year Award Finalist! What Would Your Life Be Like If You Simply Let Go of Control? At work, they oversee every detail of every project and expect nothing less than perfection from their coworkers. At home, they obsess over finding the "right" person. Then, they criticize their lover or spouse for doing everything wrong. As parents, they practice zero tolerance for their children's preferred study practices, choice of friends, dress choices, and differing life views. Sound familiar? Everyone knows the type: micromanagers, nitpickers, and domestic despots. Yet, most people fail to recognize the signs of a compulsion to control in themselvesor realize the toll of their behavior on their career, their family, their friendships, and their own happiness. In Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go, Daniel A. Miller pinpoints the dangers of excessive control. What's more, he shows those who feel the pressure to control how to break free and reap unexpected gifts. Sharing his journey of transformation, Miller reveals what happened when he finally decided to "surrender": his blinders fell away, new opportunities emerged, and he experienced unprecedented, profound inner peace. Drawing on psychological insights, spiritual wisdom, and the real-life stories of acknowledged "control freaks," Losing Control, Finding Serenity guides readers through an honest inventory of their control patternswhether prodding, cajoling, withdrawing, playing the martyr, or intimidatingdown to the roots. As most controllers will discover, their compulsion to control is provoked by deep-seated fear, anxieties, and insecurities, then aggravated by anger and resentments. Filled with enlightening true stories, Losing Control, Finding Serenity gives readers the knowledge, the courage, the strategies, and the "decontrol" tools to: • Identify and overcome the control triggers of fear, anger, and resentment. • Become a less domineering parent, build a family democracy, and reduce the struggles with children. • Find and keep the right person by accepting who he or she is rather than trying to change their romantic partner. • Free your creative flow and process. • Delegate to and trust coworkers to reap increases in productivity, efficiency, and job satisfactionand reduce conflict and dissension. • Learn to be patient and calmly accept "what is," even when adversity strikes, to enjoy a more fulfilling and serene life. In a chaotic, unpredictable world that's frequently beyond anyone's control, Losing Control, Finding Serenity offers welcome encouragement and validation for going with the flow of life as it is: an ongoing, every changing mystery. Find out how losing control really means gaining control. Critical Acclaim For the Book: "Daniel A. Miller has done an amazing job in delving deeply into the crevices of how most us would need to be in control, one way or anotherin varying degreesnot always realizing how it rules and affects our lives and even more sothe lives and happiness of others. Daniel has clearly lived it, seen the damage, and has learned from it and has designed a formula to teach people how to change these controls by finding, understanding and releasing issues one step at a time. He has created a way of guiding and educating the reader, in a very understandable and logical way, to help everyone "Let Go". A must read for everyone!"IN LIGHT TIMES

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Like most compulsive controllers, I was always driven to succeed. I graduated from UCLA with honors in business administration and finished in the top 5 percent of my class at the UCLA School of Law.

While still in my 20s, I became a real estate instructor in the UCLA Extension Program and a few years later published a critically acclaimed, best-selling professional book, How to Invest in Real Estate Syndicates (Dow Jones-Irwin).

Financial success came early as well. Celebrities and wealthy people entrusted me with large sums to invest on their behalf. By my mid-30s I could afford to live in the exclusive Old Bel Air section of Los Angeles, only a few doors away from Sylvester Stallone and just up the street from where Elvis Presley had once lived.

But for all my achievements and success, I had no sense of inner peace and serenity. How could I? I was imprisoned by my fears, anger and anxietiesall bedfellows of controllers--and thus not open to the wonders all around me.

It took a long series of personal setbacks culminating in five surgeries for the eradication of cancer on my nose before I was able to accept the emptiness and folly of my control-driven life. I had to let go of the very thing in my life that I had always felt most secure withControl. I had neither the strength nor desire to go on fighting whatever demons were going to attack me next. I "surrendered." And with that surrender, my blinders fell away, new opportunities emerged, and I was able to glimpse a much more serene way of life.

I thus began a new life journey based on letting go of control. I tried to go with the ups and downs and twists and turns of life, instead of resisting them and trying to control people and events. Over many years, I learned effective tools and strategies (explained in Losing Control, Finding Serenity) for letting go of control with my loved ones, children, family and friends, as well as in sports, creative endeavors, and the workplace. In the process, I became an artist, published poet, champion senior tennis player, a happily married man, and much wiser parentall while cutting my work time by more than half.

But the journey never stops, nor do I wish it to. Since publishing LCFS six years ago, I began studying, exploring, and writing about the most effective way of losing control: Accepting "what is."

Simply put, when we practice acceptance, there is no real need to control.

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