Her Catalyst - Part 24 of 25 (eBook, ePUB)
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In Part 24, Rebeka's transition to the follow-on journey of touching is also healing as she replaces abusive experiences with pleasurable ones. Angelisa isn't comfortable being the boss to build her culture's library then she has to calm her panicked mother. Rebeka struggles to accept the positive responses to her drawings then is shocked to be slanderously assaulted by the college newspaper.A peek inside:As they finish their drinks, Rebeka hesitates then gets up and as the others help her clear the table, she asks them to stay and she soon returns with a sketch pad. She hesitates some more be...
In Part 24, Rebeka's transition to the follow-on journey of touching is also healing as she replaces abusive experiences with pleasurable ones. Angelisa isn't comfortable being the boss to build her culture's library then she has to calm her panicked mother. Rebeka struggles to accept the positive responses to her drawings then is shocked to be slanderously assaulted by the college newspaper.
A peek inside:
As they finish their drinks, Rebeka hesitates then gets up and as the others help her clear the table, she asks them to stay and she soon returns with a sketch pad. She hesitates some more before she asks, "Do you remember on last fourth-day how I was so upset after school and cuddled in George's arms for a long time?" The others simply nod their heads.
She hesitates even longer before she explains, "After I told him how I was feeling, he pointed out how much I had changed since you guys first met me and he encouraged me to recognize the difference, not only that it was something I could be proud of, but that I was no longer that same person who identified herself as 'abused'. He pointed out that although people I knew then would recognize me now from my external appearance, if they could have seen who I was on the inside then, they wouldn't recognize me as the same person if they could see who I am on the inside now. That encouraged me to think about how to picture a person's personality. I know there are lots of personalities out there which I have no awareness of, but I thought I could express a couple and would like to know if what I drew makes sense."
After she sees and hears their expressions of assent, Rebeka opens her sketch pad to a drawing and shows it to them. Sharlene can only briefly look at the drawing before she turns away and buries her face in his shoulder. When she doesn't feel him move, she asks, "How can you look at that?"
He simply says, "That's how I used to feel."
Angelisa quietly agrees, "Yeah."
Sharlene shudders at remembering the feeling which washed over her during her brief look at the drawing. It takes her several moments before she can ask, "How could you survive feeling that . . ." she searches for the right word, but all she can think of is, ". . . hopeless?"
He explains, "It builds one day at a time and you don't notice it becoming so bad. Even when you can't imagine getting out of bed or that there's any reason to do so, somehow you do get up and do what has to be done regardless of the feelings of despair or utter hopelessness which you feel. Sometimes 'duty' is the only thing to keep a person even minimally functioning when suicide isn't easily available. Hell, sometimes the effort to commit suicide would take more thought and energy than a person can dredge up, so, for another day, you go through the motions even as it hurts almost beyond description to see the people around you living life. That's why you're so precious to me, love, you respect and accept me as the person I am and continue to do so day after day. You treat me as someone who has worth and value and you make me feel like I belong, like I'm someone important to you, and you have never treated me as your inferior or demanded that I change to meet your standards."
Angelisa turns, "And that's how you treated me, George, even when you had no respect or belief in yourself and saw no hope in life. How you could give me hope when you had none of your own, I'll never know."
Rebeka sets the drawing aside and adds to the group hug as she says, "That's how you've all treated me and because of that, the drawing I showed you isn't the end of the story. Please, let me show you the next one."
They reluctantly loosen the hug and when Rebeka shows them the next drawing, Sharlene struggles to not hug the drawing to herself because it seems to shout hope and joy and peace.
A peek inside:
As they finish their drinks, Rebeka hesitates then gets up and as the others help her clear the table, she asks them to stay and she soon returns with a sketch pad. She hesitates some more before she asks, "Do you remember on last fourth-day how I was so upset after school and cuddled in George's arms for a long time?" The others simply nod their heads.
She hesitates even longer before she explains, "After I told him how I was feeling, he pointed out how much I had changed since you guys first met me and he encouraged me to recognize the difference, not only that it was something I could be proud of, but that I was no longer that same person who identified herself as 'abused'. He pointed out that although people I knew then would recognize me now from my external appearance, if they could have seen who I was on the inside then, they wouldn't recognize me as the same person if they could see who I am on the inside now. That encouraged me to think about how to picture a person's personality. I know there are lots of personalities out there which I have no awareness of, but I thought I could express a couple and would like to know if what I drew makes sense."
After she sees and hears their expressions of assent, Rebeka opens her sketch pad to a drawing and shows it to them. Sharlene can only briefly look at the drawing before she turns away and buries her face in his shoulder. When she doesn't feel him move, she asks, "How can you look at that?"
He simply says, "That's how I used to feel."
Angelisa quietly agrees, "Yeah."
Sharlene shudders at remembering the feeling which washed over her during her brief look at the drawing. It takes her several moments before she can ask, "How could you survive feeling that . . ." she searches for the right word, but all she can think of is, ". . . hopeless?"
He explains, "It builds one day at a time and you don't notice it becoming so bad. Even when you can't imagine getting out of bed or that there's any reason to do so, somehow you do get up and do what has to be done regardless of the feelings of despair or utter hopelessness which you feel. Sometimes 'duty' is the only thing to keep a person even minimally functioning when suicide isn't easily available. Hell, sometimes the effort to commit suicide would take more thought and energy than a person can dredge up, so, for another day, you go through the motions even as it hurts almost beyond description to see the people around you living life. That's why you're so precious to me, love, you respect and accept me as the person I am and continue to do so day after day. You treat me as someone who has worth and value and you make me feel like I belong, like I'm someone important to you, and you have never treated me as your inferior or demanded that I change to meet your standards."
Angelisa turns, "And that's how you treated me, George, even when you had no respect or belief in yourself and saw no hope in life. How you could give me hope when you had none of your own, I'll never know."
Rebeka sets the drawing aside and adds to the group hug as she says, "That's how you've all treated me and because of that, the drawing I showed you isn't the end of the story. Please, let me show you the next one."
They reluctantly loosen the hug and when Rebeka shows them the next drawing, Sharlene struggles to not hug the drawing to herself because it seems to shout hope and joy and peace.
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