Cry with me Mother (eBook, ePUB)
A Recovery Memoir
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This is my story of recovering from the family and social conditioning that I grew up with. As a child I experienced emotional neglect and abandonment, rather than physical, sexual or emotional abuse. The title of this book Cry with me Mother comes from one of the prose poems in this book. It is something my Inner Child said when I was writing about my earliest and most persistent childhood trauma, my insomnia and rocking. It was her way of telling me she needed empathy and support from her mother with this problem, rather than the defeatism, blaming, shaming and abandonment she got. That was ...
This is my story of recovering from the family and social conditioning that I grew up with. As a child I experienced emotional neglect and abandonment, rather than physical, sexual or emotional abuse. The title of this book Cry with me Mother comes from one of the prose poems in this book. It is something my Inner Child said when I was writing about my earliest and most persistent childhood trauma, my insomnia and rocking. It was her way of telling me she needed empathy and support from her mother with this problem, rather than the defeatism, blaming, shaming and abandonment she got. That was just the start of my life. Things got worse later with all the moving around and then my parent's alcoholism and depression during my teenage and young adult years.
Growing up in my family adversely affected the way I thought, what I believed and felt, and how I behaved and reacted to others and the ups and downs of life. It prevented me from being able to relate to myself and others in healthy ways.
The turning point in my life happened when I reached an all-time low in my 50s. I was full of dismay, self-doubt and confusion then, and afraid for myself and my future. I had been trying so hard to heal and get my life going in the direction I wanted and believed I should be going in but kept getting the carpet pulled out from under me and landing increasingly painfully each time. I did not know what to do and didn't trust myself anymore. I was lost.
My recovery journey has been a deep dive into my unconscious. Bringing what was hidden in my unconscious into the light of consciousness, and in the process creating the opportunity to choose and take control of myself and my life. No longer a victim of my unknown shadows. This Memoir shares this journey into myself and my Irish family. A journey that has helped me understand and appreciate that family and parenting really matter. It's a deeply personal and intimate collection of stories that are unusually and uncomfortably honest about specific experiences.
I started writing these stories in 2014, during a time of great personal change, insecurity and confusion, after the end of my first 24-year marriage. I had been writing my morning pages for five years by then (see section 1 of Appendix 3).I did not dare to think my stories were poems. I knew nothing of poetry and had never written anything like them before.
Initially I wrote these stories for myself. They were my way of making sense of my experiences and myself, and speaking about them for the first time in my life. For a long time, I did not imagine they would become a book or a recovery memoir. Once I did finally saw that, I was hesitant to publish my story until I had written the solution, as I did not want to leave my readers in 'the problem'. The solution only came last year (2024) as a consequence of a major abandonment crisis. After that, the book took shape and fell into place quite quickly.
Given the intimacy of this story, I have chosen to use a pseudonym.
I have included three appendices. Appendix 1 is a copy of the ACA's list of the 14 common traits (characteristics) of Adult Children of Alcoholics (and dysfunctional families). Appendix 2 is my personal reflection on my recovery journey.In Appendix 3 I have discussed briefly some of the incredibly valuable recovery tools and learnings that have and continue to help me on my recovery journey.
In this book I share my experience, strength and hope, in the hope that it will be of value to you.
Growing up in my family adversely affected the way I thought, what I believed and felt, and how I behaved and reacted to others and the ups and downs of life. It prevented me from being able to relate to myself and others in healthy ways.
The turning point in my life happened when I reached an all-time low in my 50s. I was full of dismay, self-doubt and confusion then, and afraid for myself and my future. I had been trying so hard to heal and get my life going in the direction I wanted and believed I should be going in but kept getting the carpet pulled out from under me and landing increasingly painfully each time. I did not know what to do and didn't trust myself anymore. I was lost.
My recovery journey has been a deep dive into my unconscious. Bringing what was hidden in my unconscious into the light of consciousness, and in the process creating the opportunity to choose and take control of myself and my life. No longer a victim of my unknown shadows. This Memoir shares this journey into myself and my Irish family. A journey that has helped me understand and appreciate that family and parenting really matter. It's a deeply personal and intimate collection of stories that are unusually and uncomfortably honest about specific experiences.
I started writing these stories in 2014, during a time of great personal change, insecurity and confusion, after the end of my first 24-year marriage. I had been writing my morning pages for five years by then (see section 1 of Appendix 3).I did not dare to think my stories were poems. I knew nothing of poetry and had never written anything like them before.
Initially I wrote these stories for myself. They were my way of making sense of my experiences and myself, and speaking about them for the first time in my life. For a long time, I did not imagine they would become a book or a recovery memoir. Once I did finally saw that, I was hesitant to publish my story until I had written the solution, as I did not want to leave my readers in 'the problem'. The solution only came last year (2024) as a consequence of a major abandonment crisis. After that, the book took shape and fell into place quite quickly.
Given the intimacy of this story, I have chosen to use a pseudonym.
I have included three appendices. Appendix 1 is a copy of the ACA's list of the 14 common traits (characteristics) of Adult Children of Alcoholics (and dysfunctional families). Appendix 2 is my personal reflection on my recovery journey.In Appendix 3 I have discussed briefly some of the incredibly valuable recovery tools and learnings that have and continue to help me on my recovery journey.
In this book I share my experience, strength and hope, in the hope that it will be of value to you.
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