Patricia Wants to Cuddle

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A delightfully grisly feminist horror - The Bachelor meets Get Out

One of the Best Books of 2022
NPR - Them - Lit Hub - CrimeReads - Book Riot - Chicago Review of Books

"Well, I guess Bigfoot-Lesbian-RomCom-Mystery-Horror is my new favorite genre! So much fun!" Lilly Wachowski, showrunner on Work in Progress and co-creator of The Matrix and Sense8

"Samantha Allen's Patricia Wants to Cuddle is just as wonderful as it is weird. It's a queer romp with a bombshell of an ending, horrifying and delightful, a real page-turner. It's truly a book that made me laugh out loud. I loved every minute of it." -Kristen Arnett, New York Times bestselling author of Mostly Dead Things

"To die

for. Samantha Allen has filled each page with unadulterated, unbridled, unhinged genius." -Jacob Tobia, bestselling author of Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story and voice of Double Trouble on She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

"Who knew a queer Sasquatchian horror comedy could pack so much emotion! As fun as it is weird, which is just plain delightful." -Michael Kennedy, Freaky screenwriter

"Patricia Wants to Cuddle by Samantha Allen is this incredible, hysterical, quirky thriller of a novel that weirdly gets a whole lot of things right about behind-the-scenes reality TV." -Connor Brennan, contestant on The Bachelorette Season 17 and Bachelor in Paradise Season 7

"In her debut novel, Patricia Wants to Cuddle, Allen combines the two genres to great effect, deftly striking a balance between satire and social commentary, nuanced character studies, the vapid nature of reality TV, horror, and just the right amount and type of humor to bring it all together . . . It's a wonderful queer story." -Sarah Neilson, Shondaland

"A hilarious sendup of and love letter to The Bachelor franchise." -Ilana Masad, NPR

"What makes a novel like Patricia so vital is that it reminds us just how fun literature can/should be, in this case with all the hallmarks of a 'beach read,' that double-edged recommendation. And yet the sentences in Patricia are supple and smart throughout, the characters deep, human, growing more complicated as our views into their interior lives and histories expand across the novel." -Ryan McIlvain, Los Angeles Review of Books

"Sometimes I come across a book that feels like it was written just for me . . . Allen masterfully switches between big laughs, inside baseball knowledge of reality TV, bloody viscera, message-board detective work and (perhaps the most surprising) a tender queer love story." -Juan Velasquez, Them

"Allen turns her queer sensibilities on the fascinating parallels between reality TV and slasher films, not least their shared obsessions with survival, sex, and the fear of being eliminated. Is Patricia Wants to Cuddle a satirical comedy, a horror mystery, or a queer coming-of-age story? The answer is all of the above. In a literary gumbo this exhilarating and thoughtful, our expectations can't help but be redefined." -Paula L. Woods, Alta

"Allen smoothly navigates the novel's jumps from breezy chick-lit to sharp-fanged satire to gory, no-holds-barred horror. Like the architects of most great monster stories, Allen keeps her creature offstage for as long as possible, giving the characters (and readers) only occasional, chilling glimpses of what's waiting for them. But even before Patricia gets down to business, the book is fast-paced, funny, and thoughtful. Whether you're here for reality-show backbiting, nuanced social commentary, or flesh-ripping monster action, you'll be richly rewarded." -April Snellings, The Big Thrill

"The premise of [Allen's] fiction debut novel sounds impeccable. It's the best of romantic reality TV competition shows, the Pacific Northwest, and chosen family, mixed in with a queer Sasquatch." -Meredith Carey, Condé Nast Traveler

"If the Bachelor and The Hunger Games had a baby it'd be the mutant offspring that is Patricia Wants to Cuddle. Fans of Libba Bray's Beauty Queens will love the rompiness of this super fun, super weird, queer-bent love story."-Eva Morreale, Betches

"GLAAD Award-winning journalist Samantha Allen has written the perfect satire of popular reality dating shows, and you won't want to put this one down...Patricia Wants to Cuddle straddles its clashing tones perfectly. It's both a razor-sharp satire of dating shows like The Bachelor and the fandoms that surround them, and a horror story about a remote island and the cryptid who preys on unwitting tourists. Bloody good fun." -Philip Ellis, Reader's Digest

"For zany surprises, superfun horror and boatloads of queerness, pick up Allen's novel of dating show-Sasquatch-media critique-romance realness." -Karla J. Strand, Ms. Magazine

"A novel that somehow manages to pack horror, queer romance, and comedy elements all in one book, perfect for readers who love reality dating shows (whether ironically or not) . . . The relationships between the women vying for the attention of the titular 'Catch' created legitimate laugh-out-loud moments, only to be followed by suspenseful twists and turns that kept me turning the page . . . It's honestly just so much fun." -Rosemary Donahue, The Conversationalist

"Fast-paced and fun . . . Coming in at 240 pages and alternating between characters' perspectives, chat boxes and letters, the 'creature feature' book packs an entertaining and cinematic punch. But darker themes-like the artifice of social media and reality tv shows, and societal pressures to conform-lurk beneath the surface." -Margo Vansynghel, Crosscut

"A bizarre and delightfully monstrous twist on competition reality TV series and what it really means to be the Final Girl . . . This horror story is both a commentary on modern American media trends and a lesbian love story that's deeply focused on found family and forming supportive communities against any odds." -Samantha Puc, The Mary Sue

"Patricia Wants to Cuddle by Samantha Allen is not one to miss. Patricia watches four women compete on the reality show The Catch, where they compete for the heart of one of America's most eligible bachelors. But when the contestants and crew start to go missing, the book takes a turn into a funny, eccentric page-turner that you will absolutely love." -Phoebe Davenport, Daily Mail UK

"I had high hopes for this one-The Bachelor meets a creature feature? yes, please-and Samantha Allen delivered: I devoured it in one sitting . . . Part satire, part gleeful horror, part lesbian love story, I had as much fun reading this as Allen clearly did while writing it. A delightful, surprising summer romp that I dearly hope gets the silver screen treatment." -Eliza Smith, Lit Hub

"This is the lesbian Sasquatch novel you've always wanted . . . this is the most badass book imaginable. . . . The publisher describes it as 'viciously funny' but I thought it was also kinda sweet. I'd give Patricia a cuddle." Molly Odintz, CrimeReads (Most Anticipated Crime Fiction of 2022)

"This sapphic novel is a great mixture of horror and comedy that I think all fans of Jordan Peele will appreciate. On top of being about monsters, this book is also about filming a television show, so basically it's a win, win, win." -Emily Martin, Book Riot

"Fun, gruesome, and queer!" -Erica Ezeifedi, Book Riot

"So simultaneously lovely and haunting you will be torn by wanting to look closer and wanting to look away, which is fitting, because that's exactly how I feel when watching the best episodes of reality television. It is, simply put, a delightfully strange and wondrous book, one that takes multiple high concepts and smashes them together, ultimately spinning a story about desire, the things we want, and what we're willing to do and sacrifice to get them. . . . Singular, strange, spectacular." -Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, Autostraddle

"This propulsive novel is both satire and horror . . . It also serves as a commentary on consumerism, social media, reality TV, climate activism, and queer survival, while maintaining a sense of absurdity throughout . . . It is an enticing mess of contradictions, which is a space that Samantha Allen knows how to fill with ease, having previously written a book about the strength of queer communities in red states in the US . . . If you like the weird discomfort you get from reading Kristen Arnett, or the pulp absurdity of Oyinkan Braithwaite, you will like this book." -American Library Association's Rainbow Round Table

"Deliver[s] some razor-sharp satire of American reality TV and influencer culture . . . so amusingly written that it sails by, dropping acid-tipped barbs as it goes . . . The mix of humor, drama, and brief flashes of monster works well to keep the reader engaged and the tension surprisingly high. When Patricia does finally burst onto the scene and the blood begins to flow, the scares feel well-earned . . . It is unlikely there will be another book this year that is both this entertaining and this unique" -Sean Farrell, Avalon Free Public Library Journal

"The balance between petty Housewives-based melodrama, gore, and identity struggles is wonderfully achieved despite the novel's brevity. Silly fun for the whole family as King Kong meets The Bachelor in Paradise and Naked and Afraid." -Jim Piechota, Edge Media Network

"It is hilarious. It is gay. It is everything." -Christina Pascucci Ciampa, Edge Media Network

"Samantha Allen's sapphic novel will leave readers on the edge of their seats, simultaneously horrified by the pop-culture obsession of some of the contestants, and the danger lurking in the shadows." -Costa B. Pappas, Tagg Magazine

"If your book club is searching for a riotous read, then we have to point you towards Patricia Wants to Cuddle. . . . A little horror, a lot of comedy, and a charming queer romance-this sounds like a great summer read to us." -Abbie Martin Greenbaum, Dandelion Chandelier

"Genuinely funny, surprising, and even-at times-heartwarming. Recommended for fans of Grady Hendrix or Jessica Knoll." -Diana Platt, Booklist

"A one-of-a-kind queer horror comedy for people who watch The Bachelor and The X-Files back-to-back." -Kirkus Reviews

"Cleverly explores themes of human connection, social acceptance, and the harms of social media as the contestants vie for what they want and the show's producer takes staggering measures to boost ratings." -Publishers Weekly

"This story is snicker-worthy at the outset, and by the time we reach the climax, I am howling with laughter. Part of the joy comes from the plot and pacing, but the biggest laughs for me are those that combine these outrageous events with some of the funniest figurative language I have ever read" -Seattle Book Mama

"Both a love letter to this style of reality TV and a violent critique of its heteronormativity...the writing is so frequently laugh-out-loud fun that I kept reading banger lines to my partner...This book was a delight to read!" - Garren H, Bennett Martin Public Library

Praise for Real Queer America and Samantha Allen

"Real Queer America is a book necessary for anyone in-or allied with-the queer community, especially those of us who see the bad news day after day. [Allen is] sharing the beauty of the spaces that LGBTQ+ people have carved out for themselves, and she's giving credit where credit is very much overdue, because it's the queer folk who live and stay in red states-whether by choice or due to a lack of options-who have to survive there and work to make them better." Los Angeles Times

"A powerful book of memoir and reportage. . . . It is difficult to capture universality in a way that also celebrates uniqueness. Allen does so through the diversity of the individual stories she uplifts, giving any reader an entry point into LGBTQ lives. . . . [She writes] with a vulnerability and humility as approachable and accessible as it is profoundly moving." New York Times Book Review

"Allen is smart-as-hell, but inclusive and impassioned. Hers' might not be the book all the gay boys are talking about in an exclusive NYC salon, but it is the book the rest of us can read aloud at the kitchen table with our queer family and our blood family, with our chosen sisters and our yet-to-be-educated uncles. . . . So many wonderful books get written for the NYC and San Francisco LGBTQ community. I'm glad Samantha Allen wrote Real Queer America for the rest of us." Lambda Literary

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