Operating System Unknown
Debugging a Life After Forty - A Memoir of Late-Diagnosed ADHD
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At four, I walked across town alone to find an ATM because my mother said no to ice cream. I understood the mechanism. I didn't understand boundaries. A police car found me before my parents did. That pattern - impulse, action, collision with reality - would run unchecked for the next forty years. From a provincial New Zealand childhood to Japanese island schools where I fought my way through culture shock and daily beatings. From teenage fatherhood at seventeen to building a tech business in my twenties - then watching it collapse alongside my first relationship. From Tokyo boardrooms to Sing...
At four, I walked across town alone to find an ATM because my mother said no to ice cream. I understood the mechanism. I didn't understand boundaries. A police car found me before my parents did. That pattern - impulse, action, collision with reality - would run unchecked for the next forty years. From a provincial New Zealand childhood to Japanese island schools where I fought my way through culture shock and daily beatings. From teenage fatherhood at seventeen to building a tech business in my twenties - then watching it collapse alongside my first relationship. From Tokyo boardrooms to Singapore startups, a vodka venture that went nowhere, and a yacht-servicing company I built up properly before burning out completely. Three countries. Three marriages. Three daughters I left behind in custody battles I couldn't win. At forty-three, a psychiatrist finally named the operating system I'd been running my whole life. ADHD. The diagnosis didn't fix anything. It translated everything. This is not a redemption story. There's no triumphant pivot, no five-step system, no inspirational close. It's a map drawn backward through four decades of chaos until the blueprint became visible, written for anyone who suspects their brain has been running incompatible software all along.
