Finding Me
Dissociative Identity Disorder from Creation To Integration
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This was not meant to be a book. When I was a child I knew there was something different about me, but I didn¿t know what it was. I knew it had to be a secret because if anyone found out about it, I would be trouble. I thought of it as different ¿levels¿ of myself. I got into therapy to help my teenaged daughter. Who knew I would get help too! My therapist understood immediately when I told her that I had ¿levels.¿ I was diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder (now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder), and learned they are called ¿alters¿ rather than ¿levels.¿ There are four ...
This was not meant to be a book. When I was a child I knew there was something different about me, but I didn¿t know what it was. I knew it had to be a secret because if anyone found out about it, I would be trouble. I thought of it as different ¿levels¿ of myself. I got into therapy to help my teenaged daughter. Who knew I would get help too! My therapist understood immediately when I told her that I had ¿levels.¿ I was diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder (now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder), and learned they are called ¿alters¿ rather than ¿levels.¿ There are four alters: the ¿Infant Center of the Universe¿ was a tiny baby; a ¿Little Girl¿ who was the keeper of the secrets; ¿andrew,¿ a preschooler who lives in the moment without thought of consequences; and the ¿Shadow.¿ I was terrified of the ¿Shadow¿ because I thought it wanted to kill me. My therapist suggested I get a journal to work in while we dealt with this disorder. After each session I thought hard about living with this disorder so I could convey it in a way my therapist could understand. Working on the journal was difficult and painful at times, but it became a journey to peace, understanding, and healing for me. I never intended for anyone other than my therapist to see the journal. The alters are integrated now, and we are all working together. I recently showed my journal to several doctors who were working with me, and they all told me that I needed to publish the journal as a book. They said it would be a great teaching tool, because there is nothing like it available now. Söthis book is that journal, unedited and unaltered.
